Well Alright...

Just passed the 6th year that this blog has been around about a week back, and though I'm not nearly as active on here as I'd like to be (for a myriad of reasons), it's still here & I'm still very blessed! 

It's a bit slow in the office today, so I found myself checking out a few of my friends blogs earlier which, in-turn, reminded me to check out my own, lol. Upon doing so, I realized that July is the month that everything Ghostwriter28.com began.

Cheers

The year-end is now upon us & I guess I could consider 2015 to be a pretty banner year for myself. I took care of some very old debt, purchased my first home & for the very first time in my life, successfully maintained a fully-monogamous (adult) relationship for more than an entire calendar year. I pray the lord continues to bless me throughout the next year of my life as well. There will be no vision boards completed this go-round, but don't get it twisted, there are most definitely plenty of images for 2016 swimming around in this head of mine!

Unfortunately, I did lose some connections with some really great folk between this year & last, but that happens... people lead very busy, separate lives in this day & age, so I've definitely learned that there's no need to take anyone's absence personally, it's just life & business of course.

Following a wonderful Christmas holiday with my family, I plan to spend New Year's Eve at home this year. 

After briefly entertaining the idea of attending yet another ball, dressed to the nines, I decided I'd simply prefer a safe, quiet & CHEAP (lol) evening in my humble abode.

I'll simply experience NYE vicariously through the various Facebook & Instagram posts that I see from my friends & family this year. Yea, I'm definitely cool wit that.

Dog Days...

Ughhh... now that July is here, we've officially hit those dog days of summer. 

It's the hottest time of the year, here in the east & on top of that, there aren't any in-season sports on television to occupy my addiction for organized chaos, corruption & greed. Still, I absolutely love summer & the illusion of freedom that often accompanies it, lol. It's the traditional time of year for graduations, vacations, weddings & other such celebratory events, so folks' attitudes tend to be a 'bit' more relaxed.

Even though my financial transactions have been HEAVILY monitored by the budget police, I've still managed to fit-in a couple of getaways & for that, I'm quite thankful... another roadtrip or two before the fall hits & I'll be more than satisfied.

I can hardly believe half the year is gone already... before you know it, we'll be making plans for the holiday season. But I'll definitely make it my business to enjoy what remains of summer, I'm not ready to start wrestling with heavy coats, scarves & hats just yet.

Hello, Who's This?

It's Friday!!! But a pretty long one for me - so I've been sitting here at work, impatiently awaiting the start of the weekend.

To help kill some time, I decided to audit my phone contacts & weed-out all those who haven't contacted me in well over a year & visa versa. 

In doing so, I was rather amazed to discover just how many people I've fallen completely out of touch with over the past year or so. My list of contacts, once an endless trove of email addresses, telephone numbers, birth dates & such, has been on the steady decline.

After this official audit, I fear it'll soon be reduced to a mere list of emergency contacts, lol. But I guess that's to be expected... I've come to learn that as we grow, our circle of trust shrinks, rather than expand, but I'm completely ok with that.

Besides, I've become somewhat of a minimalist in recent years, so the more clutter I'm able to eliminate from my life (both literally & figuratively speaking), the better I tend to feel. But I do miss those I'm no longer in contact with on a regular basis.

I have many great memories of wonderful (& admittedly, not so wonderful) people, so I'm happy to access archived files whenever I find time to reflect. I may not recognize the number the next time you call, but know you're not far from mind.

Cinco de Ghostwriter28...

Well, well, well... this month marks the 5th anniversary of Ghostwriter28.com. It's so very hard to believe I've been at it this long & even though I've taken the occasional break from posting here & there, this remains an active blog & for that, I'm quite proud. 

This is post #168, while the other 167 posts have covered a wide range of subjects... 'reflection, love & sports' are my most frequently used tags.

It'll be interesting to see which tags will dominate the next 5 years of blogging. Since I started in 2010, I've gathered a completely new respect for others who blog. Coming up with content even just once a month proves to be a challenge for me at times, so I'm frequently amazed by those who blog daily & they're really great at it too!

As I recall, I began this blog to help archive some of my thoughts & experiences so that I might someday go back & relive them, Just today, I've spent time looking at my previous posts & have had quite a few chuckles at my own expense. But I'm glad that I bothered to capture some of my feelings on various topics over the years. I hope to become better & more consistent in the years to come.

Many thanks to those of you who've taken the time to drop-in over the years, whether you ended up here by accident or you're a real-life friend of mine, you're all very much appreciated!

A Year Wiser...

I've no-doubt been blessed by a great core of friends & family over the years... 

I know precisely those I can count-on & that's a wonderful thing! 

To be individually recognized & remembered by said group of people on my birthday (& without the assistance of social media, at that) gives me great joy! A couple days back, on the 6th, I celebrated my 33rd birthday - though I didn't host any great blow-out birthday bash to celebrate the day, I very much enjoyed the day & those who helped to make it special for me. I did manage to take the day off from work, but I really just used the day to pamper myself.

I closed-out the day by going-out to dinner, the meal was so good that I passed-out upon returning home. Again, no huge celebration by any stretch of the imagination, but it was just the type of cozy, intimate celebration I envisioned for myself this year.

Whether you took the time to present a gift, stop by for a visit, drop a card in the post, or simply pick-up the phone to wish me well, it's ALL very much appreciated on this end - thanks so much!!!
Now let's see just what the kid can do in this world, armed with another year of knowledge :-D

Kind Words...

Sometimes words of appreciation, no matter how brief, can be so very encouraging. 

It's just nice to know that the support one lends, is in fact, appreciated by another individual, on some level. 

I haven't always found that to be the case, so it's definitely refreshing to get an old-fashioned "thank you" from time to time. A hand-written note, sent via snail-mail, makes the gesture all the more rare.It's not really our fault, or maybe it is, rather... but at any rate, we're so spoiled by technology, the digital-age has really severely hampered our ability to connect with one another on a personal basis - so much that we rarely take the time to extend heart-felt sentiments anymore. 

Personally, I find it's the small things like this, that leave the biggest impressions upon me. The (above pictured) thank you note got me to thinking of just how infrequently we stop to express our feelings of gratitude with those who have assisted us, at some point, along the way. 

Certainly, I too, have been guilty of such omissions... but I do try my best to give people roses, while they can still smell 'em. The way I see it, an overdue thank you is very much akin to no thank you at all. As with most things in life, timing is everything...

Putting It Into The Universe

A few days back I completed construction my vision board for 2014... don't think I've done 1 of these since high school, but I was moved to do so for some reason this year - who knows? Perhaps this means it'll be a big year for me. 

I've got this tagged as a reflection post, but I guess it's really more of a forecast, guess I'll have to update my post categories accordingly. 

I find that I've been experimenting with the power of positive thinking & putting things into the atmosphere more frequently as of late, perhaps that sort of explains the sudden desire to create a vision board.

Over the final 2 weeks of 2013, I took several moments to think of the kinds of things I wanted to include on my vision board - things like a new relationship, buying a new car, giving-back more to my alma mater, eliminating some credit debt, traveling abroad, being more productive at work & healthier eating/cooking are among some of the things I chose to highlight for completion this year.

I chose to place my vision board on the back-side of my bedroom door, that way it's out of common view, but still in an area that I can see easily during those private moments of thought. Here's to a new & productive year for me!

404

I've been laying low & away from the social networking scene as of late. No particular reason, it's just my annual 'purge period.' So outside of this blog, my digital footprint has been relatively small over the past 2 months. No Facebook, Instagram or any similar websites for the time being. It's always nice to take a step back, even if it only happens once a year.

It kind of forces me to communicate with those close to me by using more traditional forms of communication (i.e. snail-mail, e-mail, actual telephone chats, yunno sh!t like that). I also like to use this time of year to audit my personal contact lists. Folk who I haven't been in contact with, in some form or another over the past year, frequently get the boot during this period.

Have I spoken with you recently? Lol, but seriously, it's not at all an anger inspired activity, I've just been doing it this way for years now. Its actually a great way to keep my current contact information organized & up to date. I really enjoy the opportunity to reboot at the end of each year, I guess it sort of helps keep things from going stale - any who... Happy New Year!

Making Spirits Bright...

Christmas Day treated me well this year. I got exactly what I wanted, so I should be pretty occupied well into the new year. 

Shootin' the breeze at home earlier today was nice, it's always cool to spend time as a nuclear family, whenever the time allows for such. Ma & Dad both seemed to be in good spirits, so as for Christmas, 2013 - I guess that's a wrap (pun intended).

Now I'm turning my attention toward the rapidly approaching new year. I still have no idea what I want to do for New Year's Eve, so I need to get on top of that ASAP. 

I'm kinda leaning towards an evening at home, or perhaps a small shindig at someone else's humble abode - essentially I'm not all that interested in 'going out,' this year, but I'll just remain non-committal for now.

I've got a positive outlook going into the new year. I guess that's not all that uncommon for folk this time of year, but still I'm looking forward to everything the new year has to bring!

Journal 2.0

I've been using a new app on my iPad & iPhone to record & track my individual journal entries (it's called - Day One). 

I've been using it for about a week now, but I've also been transferring my previously written entries into the new app at the same time. 

It's been absolutely amazing to look back at the various thoughts I once had of people & the direction my life was heading.

As I've been transferring the old entries, I've also been applying the various tagging features to sort the entries into categories like people, events, places & etc. So far I've found the feature to be pretty helpful, especially when trying to pin-point a particular journal entry or experience.

My old journals date back to September of 2004, so that's almost 10 years of fuckery I'll get to chuckle at as I bring my new journal to date. It should be a pretty entertaining experience since I very rarely re-read my entries after writing them. Already I've come across experiences that I have no recollection of, lol.

The app allows for the import of previously typed entries & also the export of app data to another medium should I so desire in the future. Based upon individual settings, the app records GPS data, weather conditions - even the song currently playing on the device you're posting from.

It's a pretty cool app, if nothing else, it's already rejuvenated my interest in keeping a regular journal - so it's totally worth the $5 I paid for it.

Writer's Block...

I took a moment to write in 1 of my journals today. Though I've kept them since 2004, I very rarely write in them nowadays. 

When starting this blog back in 2010, I began writing even less in those journals. I spoke to someone a few weeks back, who mentioned writing in theirs... it got me to thinking of just how dusty my own set had become.

I certainly didn't intend for this blog to replace my journal entries, after all... I could never be quite as honest here as I am in my private memoirs, but I do try my best to present truthful depictions of the inner-thoughts that guide my day-to-day comings & goings. I only wish I'd begun to chronicle my feelings earlier in life, like in high school, or middle school even.

How cool would it be to have a comprehensive log of various people & experiences encountered in life, while not having to rely solely upon this ol' brain of mine? Dates, places, names... at 32 years of age, a great many of these sorted details have been forever lost to time. But although certain specifics no longer reside within, the lessons learned remain.

When making my very 1st journal entry years back, I can recall doing so with the mindset that someday I might be able to share this with my son or daughter. I figured it might prove helpful for those times when he or she might be doubting themselves in life. Turns-out that re-reading many of those old entries has been a huge help for ME instead, go figure...

I'm definitely going to make a more conscious effort to scribe more frequently. Hell, I may end up needing to read this stuff again at some point & for that, newer content is a must :-D

Still Saddled-Up...

To the left you should see pictured, a screenshot of my LiveStrong quit smoking app...

So today marks 200 days since I quit smoking tobacco products & I'm confident in saying that it feels like I've kicked the habit for good! I no longer have cravings to light-up when I awake in the morning & 1 of my biggest triggers, riding in the car, no longer makes me think of smoking.

Not even stressed-filled moments, or late night battles with restlessness are any match for my new-found desire to stay-quit. It's funny... now that I'm a non-smoker, people on the street who are smoking bother me & I'm usually quite anxious to get further away from them. I guess I'm an elitist now, lmao! 

So far since quitting, I've notice an increased lung capacity, healthier skin & an insatiable appetite (lol) - I'm always hungry now! It's very easy to see how my father (who also quit smoking cold-turkey) picked up his weight so quickly years back. I too have a new clothing size now that I've replaced cigarettes with snacks!

But the new clothes I've had to purchase don't smell at all of smoke, so that's a positive at least :-D Also, my mother is happiest of all - she's got a really sensitive nose, so it always bothered her. According to my quit smoking app, I've managed to save roughly $540 since quitting - who doesn't enjoy the idea of lil' extra change in their pocket?

So that's about it, just wanted to update u guys on my progress & let you know I haven't fallen off the horse...

Fall Is Upon Us...

It's almost my favorite part of the year!!! I've got my Christmas shopping lists in order, the weather has finally changed over to more fall appropriate temperatures & we'll soon be falling-back to eastern standard time shortly (officially signifying the start of the holiday season for me :o) 

Halloween's around the corner, so I look forward to seeing the kiddies in their costumes (well... the kids with parents who haven't completely cancelled Pumpkin Day).

Also, shit's gettin' real as far as the NFL football season is concerned & we're now just weeks away from the NBA season.

A couple buddies & I have been experimenting with just about anything pumpkin spice we can find. They seem to be making EVERYTHING in some special pumpkin flavor this fall & then there's Turkey Day... I'm already hungry too! Not sure of the specific plans for Thanksgiving, I just know I'll be having several plates :-D

It's a great time of year for fashion as well. Errr... well, I think so anyway. I'm definitely no fashionista, but I feel like I can be more creative during the colder portions of the year, but what do I really know about it? 

This is also the time of year when I typically reduce the size of my virtual footprint. Not really sure why I do this, but I tend to go dark as far as any social networking each year around this time - let's just call it my annual purge from the bullshit, lol.

Anywho... that's all for now.

Happy Birthday Ghostwriter28.com

In recent weeks, I'd thought really long & hard about shutting-down this blog, especially in light of the fact that I'm up for my domain name renewal this July. I hadn't been posting nearly as much as I did during my first 2 years of  blogging anyway & on top of that I'd been down lately, so I was thinking I might be done with this blogging stuff. But a funny thing happened to me yesterday... I went back & actually read some of my sh!t. 

Reliving both some of my favorite & lesser moments served as a subtle kick in the ass, reminding me of my initial purpose for this blog. The following is the first line of my very first post: "In my never-ending quest for self-understanding & development, I decided it's high time I start a blog in an attempt to capture some of my most in-depth thoughts..." Now just how can I shut this website down after reading that??? Simple answer - I can't.

Four years ago I decided this blog might be a valuable tool in assessing not only where I am, but also, where I've been. Yesterday this blog proved it's worth to me. I've still only chosen to personally share this link with a few people I know, but perhaps I'll add a few others to the VIP list this year. At any rate, posting here continues to be therapeutic for me, so I remain grateful to have found such an excellent emotional release method.  

I guess this is kinda needless to say at this point, but this blog won't be going anywhere, anytime soon... so I guess you're stuck with me :-)

Best Laid Plans

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that the best, most well-intentioned plans can & will fall-thru, more often than not, really. You know, those arbitrary deadlines we give ourselves to accomplish various milestones in life? Let’s see, things like: 

College graduation at 21, new home purchase at 23, settle-down & marry by 25, have kids at 28… what a bunch of bullsh!t. Just whose life-plan was I following? From this point forward, I’m not following a roadmap. I'm just living, rather.

I’m done with all that silly planning I used to do. If it feels right, I’m goin with it & without taking much time to 2nd guess myself about it either. Seems I’ve waited forever to accomplish certain things, either that, or for someone else to reach the point when they thought the timing was right. Screw that! Besides, some of the best experiences of my life took place when I completely pitched the script. I plan to fully LIVE life moving forward, avoiding most things conservative in nature along the way.

When I examine the lives of those close to me, some of whom never really bothered to plan at all, they aren’t in any worse of a position in life than myself. With that in mind, I can’t say that I really see the obvious advantage in being safe & playing my cards so close to the vest, shooting from the hip seems to afford one the same (if not better) result. It's not that I haven't been spontaneous in life, but at some of it's most crucial points, I made a safe wager, rather than bet it all – often at the urging of others.

So out go ALL of those previous plans, along with my various rules, and while I’m at it - many associated personal standards as well. My focus now lies upon my overall quality of life, rather than the order or manner in which said goals were or weren't accomplished (& who approved of such). If a given person, material possession or activity soothes my soul, then by all means, I’m riding the wave until the very end – if I wipe out, then I'll just be at the same place I began – so... no huge loss there, lol.

Thinking of You...

Hey VAM,

While sitting at my desk a few hours back, I couldn't help but constantly think of you on your birthday - so fuck-it, I left. Now I'm back in my car after having just visited your grave for a bit. I played Erykah's "Gone Baby, Don't be Long," a moment ago - never seemed more appropriate than now.

I know it was one of your favorite songs from her. Now I'm playing John Mayer's "Gravity," we both loved that one! Interestingly, this one's appropriate too - but you know all about that, lol. As far as the news goes, Teacy's having a baby girl any day now, & guess what she's gonna name her??? Anise!

She's gonna know so much about the woman she's named after, I'll make sure of it! Oh & Shaun is still VERY much in love with being a daddy. From what I can see, he's a good one too - you'd be proud of him. He's doing all of the right things. Avril seems to be doing well. We don't communicate often, but from what I can tell, she's enjoying life, so I'm happy for her!

Speaking of the old gang, most of us will be gathering for your birthday dinner tonight. We still haven't missed a dinner since keeping the dinner reservations you set just days before your passing 2 years back. So that'll make tonight our 3rd birthday dinner in celebration of your life, doesn't seem this new tradition will change anytime soon, but your friend's birthdays were always so important to you, so I'm all for keeping the dinners going.

Over the past few days at home I kept glancing across the bedroom at a letter I'd avoided opening since Christmas. I certainly never intended to wait so long, but later tuned into the next day, the next day became next week, before I knew it, a month had passed & well... life happened. This morning I opened it.

The letter was from your mother, each time I looked at the letter over the past 3 months, I'd notice your mother's handwriting - its very similar to your own penmanship, perhaps that's part of the reason I found it so difficult to open. It was a Christmas card she'd personalized to both my brother & I.

In case you're wondering he's doing ok, he tries not to show how your sudden passing affects him still, but it's rather clear to me - he misses the hell out of you, we both do! I'll be sure to touch base with your mother in the coming days - perhaps I'll give her a call today.

As for me my dear friend, I struggle daily with your leaving. Though I know you'd very much disapprove, it's made me a cold & rather impatient person. Sometimes I can't help but to think you took a part of me with you when you had to leave, it certainly feels that way - haven't been the same since.

But I'm trying... it's difficult to replace even half of all the love you showed me over the years as my friend, & I doubt I'll ever come close in that regard - but again, I'm trying... to be strong, to keep an open & receptive heart, to see beyond the short-comings of people, shit - just to be more like you.

I love you VAM, always have, always will - Happy 31st.

January 1st...

Another year has passed & outside of the fact that I'm driving a different car this year, I find myself sitting in pretty much the same position :-/

Sure, folk always say "no news is good news," & perhaps that's true in most cases, but there certainly isn't much of a discernible fun factor associated with no news, either - I'll tall ya that! Long story-short, I'm still bored, lol. But I have noticed the accomplishments of friends or associates in a year's time & I'm happy for them all. Such accolades include new jobs, homes, babies, relationships & even an engagement, so to each of these persons, I'm sending out a huge congratulations! What the hell? Just for kicks, I'll even toss in a great big helping of job well done, lol. Seriously, it's my hope that 2012 proves just as fruitful as 2011 did.

I'll bet you probably thought this was goimg to be a negative post from me, didn't you??? Lol, dont worry, I'm keepin the vibe positive in this post & others moving forward - I'd hate for the majority of my blog entries to consist of nothing but negative/sad woe as me-type stories & I definitely don't want to start 2012 in such fashion.

My 2012 calendar year goals? Well, becoming a homeowner is something I'd like work on this year, securing the necessary down payments & involved closing costs, anyway. I'm completely comfortable with my current situation/neighborhood, so that affords me the benefit of taking my sweet time when it comes to actually making any deal happen.

I'd definitely like to start doing more, as far giving back (writing checks isn't the most fulfilling experience), so both mentoring or coaching are a couple things that have been on my mind in recent years. I think it's about time to stop waiting on my own children & focus more upon helping someone else's child - gotta fill the void, right?

As far a my current employment, I'd always welcome some sort of promotion or merit increase, but in terms of the work I do, I'm rather good at it - plus the job security remains rather decent. I've certainly been blessed so a new job really isn't at the top of my list in 2012, but I always keep my ear to the ground, just in case!

At any rate, I guess those are a few of the things I have in mind for 2012 - not every earth shattering, I know - but I've always been a simple man of modest means (outside of my tech toy addiction of course :-) Happy new year all...

Oh Yea??? It's cool, bet that...

So... it seems the world seems to has effectively forgotten about the kid, eh? Well check this out, I've decided to forget about the world. Yunno, those I never call, or who never call me? Deleted. Ex-girl('friends') who've lingered for years, but have no intentions of somehow developing anything meaningful? Deleted. Reluctant women who I've recently pursued, but to no avail - ALL deleted, deleted, deleted. You've been nothing but a huge waste of my fucking time, lol.

Long story, short... I've decided to nix the folks who don't enhance my life to some degree. In addition, I'm taking a break from social networking for the time being, as I no longer have any desire to update those connected to my past, with any of my current comings & goings. Why wait for the new year when I can cut the fat right now?

The way I see it, I've waited my entire life for people to act right & since that still isn't happening, its well beyond time for me to cultivate an entirely new crop of humans for harvest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry with any of the folk referenced above - but I'm very much offended & no longer care enough to carry each respective 'friendship' on my own.

You see, I've discovered that (outside of a few loyal niggaz) I've got 1 person I can count on in this world, ONE! The rest of my associations are comprised of people who are very much interested in getting theirs & really couldn't care less about the potential impact upon others.

Clearly these aren't healthy relationships worth preserving in the 1st place, so with that in mind, I'm consolidating my efforts, & strictly looking out for those who look out for me. Where exactly do I go from here, you ask? I've got no idea & to be quite honest - I'm absolutely terrified.

What I'm NOT afraid of is cutting my losses, & moving onto better opportunities in life. Any friends, family or lovers who truly wanted to be here... would be here - PERIOD. We've all got different priorities in life, so if you've chosen not make me 1 of yours, I'm completely cool with that, just don't expect me to check for you anymore either.

At this point, there isn't a soul who'll save me except for myself, life has proven that much, but I've finally come to terms with that & you know what? I feel better about it already... silly rabbits.