Another Sheep, Called Home...

Well damn... certainly didn't expect to follow-up a post as light-hearted as my last with 1 like this, but such is life I've learned. Today, during the wee hours of the morning, my favorite cousin (the 1 closest to me in age) died in her sleep. Don't have any details on what happened at this point, but does it really even matter? 

We went to Howard together for 2 years, I loved her dearly. But admittedly, I'm becoming quite accustomed to losing great people in the midst of their prime. She was just 32 years old, much like my best friend VAM (who died within a week of her birthday), April's birthday is this Thursday.

She lived in LA, but was actually set to return east later this month to move-in with my brother & I until she found a place of her own. I expect she'll most likely be buried in Halifax, VA - where most of our family is from, as we don't have much family in California.

Few things in life prompt people to take inventory & count their blessings like a death will, especially a premature death. It always makes you think of how short life is & how we don't get nearly enough days to enjoy those we love the most. 

I just keep thinking about her mother. April was an only child & her father died years back so this has to be so hard on her to handle alone. My mother is in the air as I type this so atleast she'll have a sister at her side soon.

I'll always treasure the times she & I were afforded on this Earth. I sincerely hope we eventually cross paths again someday, scratch that - I KNOW I'll see you in the next lifetime, just doesn't make today any easier. Until then, know that you are loved hun...

Smitten (adj.) - marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness...

At the very adamant request of a dear friend earlier, I decided to post, lol. My friend pointed out that it's been over 2 months since I last blogged & I've got the time tonight, so I figured I'd oblige - even though I never intended to publicly express the following at such an early stage. 

Fuckit, it's the only relevant thing I've got going on right now, lol.

You see, I met someone, well sort-of anyway. I've actually known this person all along, but only recently involved myself romantically. It's different, but a good kind of different & better still, nothing about it feels forced. She wants to be here & I certainly desire the company she provides. 

Granted, it hasn't even been 2 full months since we've been dating, still - I'm cautiously optimistic because I believe in her.

It's funny because we're actually quite the opposite of 1 another in many instances, but I think it's the friendship we've forged over the years that makes the realization of such difficult to observe most times. 

It almost seems impossible to express how frustrating it's been to be the 2nd choice of so many women I've fancied in recent years, especially considering how much of an upgrade I would've been to the previous clowns they've dated, lol. I've constantly been ignored & picked-over before most recently being placed on standby.

Well if you know me, than you also probably know that I'm nobody's 2nd option. The mere suggestion of such, or really, ANY form of feet-dragging at all, completely turns me off & I'm instantly disenchanted. The way I see it, you're either with it, or you're not - anything in-between is a waste of everyone's time.

I hold very little respect for folk who have what they claim to ultimately desire, but fear the unknown thereby failing to own what they've already won. I certainly make no apologies for recognizing my own self-worth either. I've grown to be an expressive, dependable partner & I look forward to demonstrating all that I've learned.

Plus she knows me well, so it was nice being able to skip past the initial getting to know 1 another phase & move directly into courtship. Although the friendship we shared before was exclusively plutonic in nature, our current union definitely seems like a no-brainer, so I'm glad we threw caution to the wind. After-all... without risk, there can be no reward.