Shot Clock

Guess who's getting married? This guy right here... a couple weeks back I proposed to my live-in girlfriend of the past 5 years & she accepted! So now we'll be spending the better part of the next year planning various events to celebrate our pending nuptials. My fiancé & I are both water signs, so we'd really like to have a ceremony on the water... hopefully, that'll still be a reality once we begin to crunch some of the numbers. I've got a buddy who will soon jump the broom in a couple a months, so I've been bouncing a bunch of ideas off of him in recent weeks.

The engagement ring I selected is rose-gold, with a blue-ish aquamarine primary stone surrounded by white diamonds. I really wanted her ring to stand-out from other traditional platinum or white gold rings with that same-ol' solitary diamond setting. I'd actually been contemplating marriage since the beginning of the year & special ordered the bridal set about a month prior to popping the big question. Waiting for that perfect moment to make it happen was absolutely agonizing! I constantly asked myself things like... "Will she like the ring? Will we have to re-size it? Hell, will she even say yes???" Granted, I wasn't truly worried about that last one, but hey - nothing in life's a sure thing, right? As it turned-out, she loved my selection. My super-secret detective work paid-off too, because I sized the ring down to the perfect fit!

As far as the wedding... I, myself, would prefer a small, low-key ceremony (truth-be-told I would have settled for a trip to the justice of the peace just to get it all over with)... but the lady has plans far grander in scale than anything I'd ever imagined, so we'll just have to see how far down the rabbit hole I get pulled over this next year of planning. Trying to rein her in will certainly be a challenge, plus she & her planning committee are already hard at work, guess I might as well get used to the idea of some sort of a fancy-smancy affair.

Commencement '16

Last Mother's Day weekend I attended the commencement exercises of my alma mater, Howard University, here in our nation's capital. 

I'd thought the faces of over 2,400 new members of the real HU's great family would highlight the day, but much to my delight, the best part of the ceremony would actually be my very own mother (now the Dean of HU's School of Social Work) presenting & confirming her students' graduate degrees! What a way to kick-off the holiday weekend! The weather cooperated, as it always does for an HU graduation, & everyone on the yard, including my mom, simply looked great.

The camera really seemed to love her, as I'd later discover upon returning home to catch the live coverage on my DVR & she didn't flub any of her lines either, lol.

Oh & by the way, the 44th president our great nation stopped by as well... “I know you’re all excited today. You might be a little tired, as well. Some of you were up all night making sure your credits were in order (laughter). Some of you stayed up too late, ended up at HoChi at 2am (laughter). Got some mambo sauce on your fingers (enormous laughter)…" 

Now that's the Barrack Obama I've been waiting 8 years to hear from - maybe I won't give him such a hard time moving forward, lol. 

But all jokes aside, he really did deliver an empowering speech to the graduates, one that was relevant to everyone in attendance. A truly historic & monumental day on the Hilltop & I'm so very glad that I was able to take part. Now let me break-out this checkbook, I've got money to send uptown for some much needed infrastructure improvements over at the School of C!

Home Security

As of late, home surveillance has become my newest obsession, but as not to completely compromise the details of my top-secret security layout (lol), I'll just say that I've gone a little overboard - it's a little like baby London in here! Adults & children alike, should have absolutely NO expectation of privacy upon entering my home. 

It's not that I've had any issues with security, I simply enjoy having that added peace of mind, even when I'm away. Over the past several months, I've added quite a few enhancements to supplement the standard security system currently installed in my home, all of which have remote monitoring capabilities for the added ease of deployment of law enforcement or emergency personnel should something happen. 

Throughout the home, I'm now monitoring interior movement, air climate/carbon monoxide levels, lighting conditions, wireless data management, so-on & so-fourth. But in an attempt to at least preserve the sanctity of the sleeping quarters, I've managed to minimize the camera coverage in the most upper level of my home, but that area is indeed surveilled too, lls. Certainly, there's no way to completely prevent a break-in, but if one does indeed occur, it damn-sure won't be a secret to anyone & that's my primary goal.

Every event captured on video goes straight to the cloud - those days of holding your captive(s) at gun-point, all the while demanding the video surveillance tape before making the great escape are long gone,

lol.

I love stuff just as much as the next man, but that's not at what motivated my efforts here... at the end of the day, the items I own aren't as important to me as the safety of those I love - their safety reigns paramount! In that regard, each of the above described upgrades were worth each & every penny spent.

Family Ties...

This past weekend, I got to spend some time with the other side of my family in Newport News & Hampton, VA. I had a truly awesome time & was so glad that I was able to make the trip down the interstate for the impromptu (mini) family reunion! Over the years, I've seen much less of my father's side of the family, even though they're actually located 2 hours closer to me than my mother's side of the family in Halifax, VA, so this was a special occasion.

We didn't do anything super extraordinary, just pretty much had a typical southern-style family cookout - fully stocked with near/distant relatives, sinful food & soulful music of course! The older & younger generations both seemed to play well with one another so we agreed to try & make it an annual affair - hopefully we'll indeed make that happen!

Now that it's mid-July & we're finally into the dog days of summer, I've been scrambling trying to come-up with a last minute travel destination for some much need rest & relaxation. It seems that everyone else is posting photos to Instagram or Facebook from some far away beach or exotic destination but at this point, I've still got nothing planned... it's looking more & more like a stay-cation this year.

I did manage to submit my vacation dates, so at the very least I'm guaranteed some time away from the office later this summer. I really wanted to use my passport this year but that'll just have to wait until I have the perfect trip lined-up. I hate the idea of traveling without every aspect of the trip being squared-away & that requires time - something I've simply run-out of (as far as the summer is concerned). I'll circle-back around to international leisure travel at the conclusion of the holiday season, lol.

Another Sheep, Called Home...

Well damn... certainly didn't expect to follow-up a post as light-hearted as my last with 1 like this, but such is life I've learned. Today, during the wee hours of the morning, my favorite cousin (the 1 closest to me in age) died in her sleep. Don't have any details on what happened at this point, but does it really even matter? 

We went to Howard together for 2 years, I loved her dearly. But admittedly, I'm becoming quite accustomed to losing great people in the midst of their prime. She was just 32 years old, much like my best friend VAM (who died within a week of her birthday), April's birthday is this Thursday.

She lived in LA, but was actually set to return east later this month to move-in with my brother & I until she found a place of her own. I expect she'll most likely be buried in Halifax, VA - where most of our family is from, as we don't have much family in California.

Few things in life prompt people to take inventory & count their blessings like a death will, especially a premature death. It always makes you think of how short life is & how we don't get nearly enough days to enjoy those we love the most. 

I just keep thinking about her mother. April was an only child & her father died years back so this has to be so hard on her to handle alone. My mother is in the air as I type this so atleast she'll have a sister at her side soon.

I'll always treasure the times she & I were afforded on this Earth. I sincerely hope we eventually cross paths again someday, scratch that - I KNOW I'll see you in the next lifetime, just doesn't make today any easier. Until then, know that you are loved hun...

Got Dad???

Allow me to preface this post by 1st saying that my Pops is a great dude. In a world where fathers are attacked & slammed daily by abandoned children, mis-stresses, wives, ex-wives & the ever-so-popular: baby mother - it's only right that I take the time to combat the trending twitter topics & various Facebook posts by announcing the fact that my father is indeed the exception to what most certainly seems to have become the rule.

Not only did he beat my ass when appropriately ordered to do so by Ma (lol), he praised each of my individual triumphs, while also managing to support (financially & emotionally) a great number of my unique ventures into the great unknown, which he commonly referred to as - the real world. Recalling my memories of him as a child, I can remember he was an early-riser, I myself, now wake between 5 & 6am daily.

He always left for work while it was still dark outside & very rarely did he ever take leave from work. He always took his lunch with him (a practice Mom & I had long since given up in school, lol) & was home daily by 4:15pm. I swear, you could set your clocks to this guy's daily routine. He handled all the typical maintenance & upkeep any house requires over time. As a former used car salesman, he understood the maintenance required to keep a car running - he was just handy.

As a kid, I just thought he was my personal Mr. Wizard (80s tv reference, lol) - he was a computer specialist at the Pentagon, so I was fascinated by his work early on. Around the house, he could fix/build just about anything it seemed. The day I took over grass-cutting duty was SUCH a big deal - I was finally old enough to start doing man-stuff too, lmao. At age 10 or 11, he & I would come to learn we both shared something in common - the love of football. I think it was then, he knew his blood coursed through my veins, lol.

From that point forward, our campaign to convince Ma to allow me to play was on! Eventually she conceded & the rest is history. I guess it turns out, he was my 1st coach in life & on the field of play as well. I remember he was a tough coach & an even tougher parent, but at the end of each scolding, the life lesson was evident to me & I always walked away a better athlete/person as a result of his taking the time. He didn't try to raise me just as he raised my brother, but instead judged us both on our own individual merit. 

Though he's never been a man of many words, he ALWAYS knew the right time to sit-my-ass-down & put a lil' sumthin in my ear right quick. I'm forever gratetful for the many lessons he taught by way of the example he lead. He showed me exactly what being a devoted husband & loving father entailed, something I've yet to come across in any book, so I certainly recognize the blessing it's been to have him around.

Pops is getting up there in age nowadays, so I find myself spending more time with him, while at the house doing yard work, at family gatherings over holidays, birthdays, or whatever. Guess I just wanna soak up what I can, while I can. Throughout history, the sacrifice of the mother who is forced to be both Mom & Dad has been well-chronicled. But on this day, let it be known that MY father was also my Dad, & you know what? He was fuckin' good at it too...

Who?

Welp... it's official - my 85 year-old grandmother no longer recalls who I am. Its not that I didn't see it coming, just a little saddened by it all. On Monday, I stopped by the nursing home (with my father) to visit her, a task normally performed each week by my mother. But she's in Africa this week, so the job fell to my father & I during her absence.

The last time I saw Gramma was Christmas Day. It was then I realized many of the things & people she loved would soon be locked away in some hidden corner of her mind. I often wonder how frightening an experience it must be for her & whether it'll become more or less terrifying as her state of dementia progresses.

Unfamiliar surroundings, strangers coming & going; all professing to know things about you, the home you recall - nowhere in sight... how agonizing it must be to realize you can't make sense of 'anything' around you. If you ask me, I'd say, "that's a pretty fucked-up way to go."

It's ironic, when people we love experience conditions such as dementia, or any disease, we often selfishly consider ourselves the victims, sometimes even more than our loved ones! Exorbitant assisted living costs, rising medication bills, outrageous insurance premiums - I know... poor-poor us left holding the God-damned bag, lol.

Granted, no one looks forward to shelling-out their hard-earned money to a less-than-deserving healthcare staff or to an insurance company only concerned with the bottom line, but it's a necessary evil right about now & there really doesn't seem to be any way around it.

Suck it up! After all, what else can we really do? As I look deeper into my own situation, I realize I've got to do this at least 2 more times when my parents reach their twilight years. Might as well look at this as an opportunity to observe what does & doesn't work (when it comes to elderly care) in the hope that I can provide the best quality of life possible for the duration of their respective lifetimes...

Trick or Treat?

It's Halloween, the cold weather is upon us here in the DC area & I ain't got no ‘boo’ lined-up for the winter - ahhh... but what can you do about it? Not a damn thing, that's what, lol. But seriously, I really do love this time of year & girlfriend or not, fall is my very favorite season!

There’s football, cooler temps, pumpkin-flavored coffee (another fav) & 3 major holidays (if you count new years) – it's great! It's also the time of year where I generally see more of my friends & family that have been estranged, so I'm looking forward to reconnecting with my peeps!

I picked up jogging earlier in the year, so the next few weeks will be my 1st true experience with longer distance running during the fall/winter months, but already I’ve noticed how much easier it is to pump-out a 4-mile run with cooler weather, perhaps it’s time to raise the bar again.

Oh & I think I'd like to hit a ski resort someplace up in the mountains at some point this winter, the last time I went on trip like this, I really enjoyed myself - I'll have to put a few 'feelers' out there & see who's interested in some drunken-mess fuckery in the snow, lol.

I encourage you to relieve some of that stress that everyday life can bring & take-in more of the sights & sounds of fall. Thanksgiving & the holiday season will be here before we know it & I'm ready for it! I can already taste the wonderful food & hear the echoes of uncontrollable laughter now.

Be sure to enjoy it all folks!

Introducing Ms. Cookie...

Last week I heard the ADT entry chime sound, alerting me that my brother was getting in for the night. I could hear that he had company with him but this time, his company beat him to the very top of 2 flights of stairs. 'Cookie,' an all-black pit bull terrier/black lab mix with 3 white feet (looks like she's missing a sock, lol), quickly appeared & briefly introduced herself before proceeding to tear through my room with complete & reckless abandon, lol.

I didn't have anything dangerous laying around that could harm her, so I gladly allowed her to continue exploring her new surroundings. I can recall thinking at the time, 'Clearly, she was an apartment pup,' because she seemed super-excited with the additional real-estate. I've never seen a dog SO happy just to go up & down stairs. So up & down she went, from the 1st to the 3rd floors, for almost 30 minutes! I just couldn't tell her to stop - not on the 1st night, lol.

After work the next day I took her out for her 1st walk around the hood. I'd forgotten the small things required to break-in a new pup. We sniffed each & every tree before she finally got thirsty & led me back home, lol. Did I mention it was 95+ degrees that day??? The next several weeks will be spent breaking her of any bad habits she managed to pick-up during her short stint with her previous owner. But she's a good pup, so me & my bro can handle her.

The previous owner has a newborn baby, so apparently Cookie was evicted. One man's trash is another man's treasure :-D But the timing was perfect since I was literally weeks from bringing home a new puppy myself. It's been rather quiet at home lately, so it's really nice to have a fresh dose of energy running around the house. Cookie's sudden arrival is certainly welcomed by all here at 9914.

She likes to keeps me company when I'm weight training & doesn't get in my way. She already knows to catch me between reps, she's pretty bright - wonder how long before she's ready to run along side of me when I jog, right now her endurance isn't anywhere near where it needs to if she ever wants to accompany me, but we're working on that...

Must be Nice...

Today Ma & Pops celebrated 40 wonderful years of marriage - Wow! A truly amazing feat given the fact that these days, the divorce rate equates to the simple flip of a coin.

I say this, not to demoralize those who are married or preparing for the big plunge, but rather to bring light to just how remarkable their accomplishment is! As a child, there was never a doubt in my mind as to who my best role models were. Even at such a young age, I could see the love they shared for 1 another & I never for a moment doubted if their love fully lent itself to both my brother & I. My only regret is that I can't be certain if they'll ever know the joys of being a grandparents - something I think they both deserve.

I often wonder what it might be like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, for better & for worse. Clearly, I've never gotten close to that point, but it certainly hasn't stopped me from daydreaming. Think about it, a person to come home to & share life's daily triumphs & troubles with - how sweet must THAT be? As I type, I'm reminded of the Lyfe Jennings song, "Must be Nice," so much that I'll likely title this post as such.

While privileged to be raised by 2 great partners, I've also witnessed the many ways that a marriage shouldn't work. I've never experienced a bond both consistent & strong enough to suggest such a union - yet plenty of my family & friends have taken the next step in their respective relationships at various points & at best, the results have been mixed. Trust me, that's quite a generous assessment!

Generally speaking - I just don't think most people (myself included) possess the patience, courage & humility it takes to sustain such a relationship over time. Sure, there are plenty of people who welcome the idea, but in my opinion, folks put far too much value in winning individual battles, rather than achieving victory in this great war we've affectionately come to know as love. Ironically, I think it's this same, sad reality that's keeping me sane.

But don't get me wrong, I'm definitely keeping hope alive, but at this point, I just want someone I can stand to be in the same room with, lol. Lately, I've found myself in relationships where neither party seems to be willing to give an inch when it comes to typical (or atypical) quarrels. As a result, I've added the task of taking the proper prospective in & out of each disagreement to my list of things to improve upon in the future.

At the ripe age of 29, indeed, I'm still growing & I'd be the very 1st to admit it. What saddens me a bit is that I can't quite tell whether I'm growing with, or away from those I'd hoped would be closer to coming full-circle by now. It seems the latter has been the case & I don't like it AT ALL. Yet & still, I must do what's healthy for me, which includes knowing when to moving on.

Alas, with new beginnings come new experiences, ideas & people alike - as I press forward into 2011, I welcome the many challenges ahead...

AARP

Over the past year I've noticed that my parents have become alot more dependent upon me. It's not that they're any kind of nuisance to me, just an early indication of what is to come I figure. Small (but important) things in their home need maintenance more frequently & I'm finding that often times they're not even aware of issues that need immediate attention like they once were.

At times it's a struggle balancing when to tell Pops he just can't do something anymore vs. letting him attempt to complete the task & then going behind him later to complete the chore correctly. On the other hand, Ma is all to happy to see that I now make weekly visits to the house and welcomes any assistance, but I often catch her slippin at times in regard to the general upkeep of the home as well.

Alarms are often left unarmed, vehicle care is often only taken into account after something has gone majorly wrong, pretty much anything that requires more than just a bill to be paid is neglected much of the time. And on top of that I'm beginning to become more concerned about the overall health of both at this stage of their lives. I kinda wish my brother was a lil more involved at this point, but to be honest it's never really been his thing, so it's far from an indication of his love for both & I'm cool w/ takin care of shit til the light switch goes off in his head one of these days.

I'm also wondering how long the two of them will continue to work. Pops, can pretty much retire the moment he doesn't feel like waking up in the morning anymore, so who knows when that will be, but I'd like to see it happen some time in the very near future just so he can get some rest from life. As far as Ma, I'm not quite sure where she stands with her retirement benefits and such. She has worked for several employers over the past 25+ years so I'll have to look into that soon.

All and all, they're my folks and I was blessed to have the both of them around until this point in my life, so I'll do anything required for them. Have you begun to consider such things with regard to your parents or childhood guardians? If not, might be are good time to look into matters of the sort. The years are flying by, and their not getting any younger - & neither are you!

Just kick me while I'm down, why don't you?

A good friend of mine recently sent me a photo of her son putting on his football uniform for the 1st time (helmet & all). And though there's no way she could've known this about me since I'm rather guarded when it comes to my emotions, the shit honestly kinda killed me inside. Having children & raising a family has always been something I've looked forward to in life. Yet time after time it's either been the wrong person, a bad situation or mother nature stepping in & taking care of things all on her own.

Though it's certainly not a forgone conclusion, ain't shit poppin right now in that regard. You see, the thing about having children and starting families is that BOTH parties have to be extremely interested in the idea or very carless in preventing such an outcome. Unfortunately, I haven't had the privilege of either instance very often.

Alas, everything ain't for everybody, but I just know I'd be great at it. After all, I had a great example of both a husband as well as a Dad in my own father. I only wish I could give him the satisfaction of knowing how great a job he did, by demonstrating what I've learned along the way.

It's not that I'd change much about the decisions I've made in life - God knows I've grown tired of pursuing lost loves, repairing broken relationships & wondering what could have been. I just wish a few things turned out a bit differently here & there and that certain individuals I truly cared for weren't hurt along the way.

But whether it's meant to be or simply something that never will, I've come to grips with the reality of it all & I'm okay with whatever hand I'm dealt. I prefer to celebrate the accomplishments of others rather than dwell upon what I 'perceive' to be my own personal shortcomings in life. There's definitely enough hate in the world for everyone to have two-slices each. So I'll instead work on my recipe for love, support & nurturing, a dish that seems far more elusive nowadays.

So there are you are, another deep albeit, brief glimpse into the inner-workings of me; thanks for listening, think I'll have a drink now, lol...