Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Valiant, Even in Defeat...

On the singles circuit again... I fuckin' hate it here, so admittedly, I'd hoped to somehow salvage my most recent courtship, but the desire to fight for us wasn't at all evident in my eyes. Nothing discourages me more than the dreaded too cool for school act. That being said, I'm just not willing to stand-alone in battle these days.

It's usually quite easy to pull from any finite relationship just what I've learned & which mistakes I should vow never to repeat. But I'm not sure of what to take from this instance. I don't know what I could have done differently, nor do I know how I could have been more accommodating of circumstances.

In what I can only imagine to be a self-defense mechanism of sorts, I never fully gained her confidence. I guess we truly are the sum total of our experiences. It's like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop all along. The final kick in the head? Learning I didn't make her feel like a priority.

I never inquired just what brought her to that conclusion. In truth, it didn't matter - what mattered was I immediately felt disengaged. Needless to say, we concluded the romantic portion of our friendship. She was dug-into certain insecurities, so it's likely there was nothing I could've done to reshape her feelings anyway.

At the end of the day, I wasn't willing to wait & she wasn't ready to share. Do I regret it? Not really. I took a chance at greatness & for a shot at eternal love, I'll dive-in, head first, each & every time. Maybe my persistence will pay-off, or maybe I'm destined for a lifetime of disappointment, who knows?

In either case, I'm a fighter. I won't allow myself to become jaded & I won't stop looking for her - I've got big plans for the 2 of us, besides... won't she & I have a grand ol' story to tell 1 day; an epic tale, complete with superheroes, heroines, buckets of tears, loads of laughter & of course - the guy gets the girl in the end :-)

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