Based upon some limited research I've done, studies show secret relationships can be associated with less commitment, limiting the relationship’s feelings of intimacy & connection. Alas, the truth shall come to light & as is with any investigation, anomalies can easily be detected once aware of what to look for - what is it they say? "Hindsight is 20/20."
I'm not certain when compromise came to mean resting comfortably within one's zone (risking little to nothing), all the while expecting the world to appear at his or her feet, but that's what people do. Guess what else I've learned? We're allowed to play victim when called-out on our bullsh!t, long story-short... taking accountability for one's actions (or inaction) is optional now :-)
Sarcasm aside, perhaps having one's cake & eating it too is now the way of the world. We want people to accept us for who we are although we rarely portray ourselves to be such people at the outset of a given courtship. Instead, we wrestle with our hang-ups & phobias in solitude, then become offended when questioned - like it or not, that's the pattern.
Collectively, we're inwardly critical, easily disengaged & intimately withdrawn... sh!t, no wonder there aren't volunteers lined up to fix the broken people we've allowed ourselves to become. Prolonged secrecy kills the idea of trust & quite effectively too! Who knows? Maybe this is by design for some, the one's who ironically, fear success.
But if you're truly trying to salvage a relationship or better yet, start one off on equal footing, my advice is to share, share & share. When you're both done with that... share some more! Nobody likes to learn of previously undisclosed terms, it's akin to being tricked. More often than not, the blindsided party walks - for you see... that too is the way of the world.
"I belong to a people so wounded by betrayal, so hurt by misplacing their trust, that to offer us a gift of love is often to risk one's life, certainly one's name and reputation." (Alice Walker)
