Thursday, June 30, 2011

While Walking the Dog Tonight...

I got to thinking & realized that despite my occasional gripes & complaints, things are actually falling into place & I'm beginning to feel like I have a much better idea of why certain relationships, people & situations didn't pan-out the way I'd once hoped. It's nobody's fault, really - just bad timing & slight errors in judgement, I figure.

I've always believed things happen for a reason, but never before has the statement seemed so profound. I used to think I wanted this beautiful, voluptuous & take-no-shit kind of vixen who encompassed confidence, sex appeal & style as well. Get this, I also wanted this woman to be intelligent & worldly, yet down-to-earth at the same time.

I still believe this superwoman does indeed exist in the physical, she just doesn't describe herself as such - you see, she's far beyond those little boxes we attempt to place one another in, so advertising herself in such a way would never even cross her mind - I get that now.

Trust me, I've had no shortage of beautiful women in my past. A couple of 'em even closely resembled the ultimate vixen described above, but fell far short of being the humble girl next door needed to complete my vision in the end. My vision, lol... just seeing that bullshit in writing makes me laugh at how warped my thinking once was.

In any event, some women focused too heavily upon my habits, others questioned my commitment, then there were those who battled too eagerly & a few that didn't bother to fight at all. Still, I'd never trade the valuable experiences gained through each encounter. They've all contributed in one way or another to the reshaping of me.

Wanna know something else? My eyes are now open to possibilities that were always right in front of me, so I plan to explore each & every 1 of 'em now that I'm aware. The past is the past, so I'm moving forward. What type of woman do I seek nowadays, you ask? I'm not sure, but I'm definitely done with the stupid boxes - right now I'm just riding the wave of happiness. What's got me so happy, wouldn't you like to know (lol)?

For years I sought that 'perfect' woman so she'd complete me, but I never once stopped to 1st, perfect myself - that's no longer an issue. The reality is that those who gave up on me or passed me over never deserved me & conversely, I never deserved the 1 woman who loved me unconditionally. I hope & pray she's doing well in life.

To the lesser women of yesteryear, months back or hell, last week even - fuck you & I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. You helped me define precisely what I don't want in a woman, but thanks for playing :-D

I say all of this to document the progress I've made as a person. Long gone are the days where I punished women for not living up to such unattainable & arbitrary standards. To the decent women I've hurt - I'm so very sorry, I know it's late, but an honest apology nonetheless - be well...

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