Should I Pop the Red, or Blue Pill?

I'm actually beginning to believe that I've found a special connection with a rather unique individual. So here I stand, staring at a relationship & chance at love squarely in the eyes; all the while, I'm scared shitless.

Should I blindly take this leap of faith, not fully knowing the true potential of this union, or should I cautiously observe things a bit longer, and risk losing her simply because I appear to be dragging my feet One thing that's certain right now we're coming from two different places in life, so I can't seem to figure out just where she and I should meet.

Personality-wise, she seems very much my equal, and I definitely feel like I'd compliment her as well, yet there are so many more things I need to know about her and I'm really beginning to feel like I'm putting the proverbial 'cart before the horse' in terms of my advances towards her, yet I can't stop

In what I guess amounts to a defense mechanism on my part, I've typically always fired the 1st shot and gotten the hell out of Dodge, whenever I begin to question a woman's passion or devotion towards me. But I don't feel inclined to handle things quite the same this go round. And while I'm very much confused at this point in time - I simply can't get enough of her.

Would it really make any sense to preserve any portion of my heart for past women who have in some cases considered me, merely a 2nd option? Would I not be cheating myself to remain on standby for those women who've yet realize the outstanding upgrade to their lives I could provide. What do I really owe any woman who wasn't strong nor wise enough to fight for me anyway? I can assure you, I'm far more than a 2nd option and to any woman who has failed to realize such - it's their loss & shame on them!

All and all, I guess I'd rather end up being someone to love and not just something to do and I truly wish there were a way to know her genuine thoughts before-hand, the secret ones trapped behind her wall of self-preservation that she so vigorously defends. So here I remain, trying to decide whether to plug myself deeper into the matrix or haul ass as fast as possible in the opposite direction. To be quite honest with myself, I'm definitely leaning towards the hopeful blue pill - and not the fear-stricken red one. Hopefully she feels the same...