Monday, February 7, 2011


"Nothing I buy, can buy more time for your ears to tell your heart to listen to it. Diamonds: a girl's best friend is what they say, but believe me with the right allegiance shawty, you gon' shine anyways" - Wale

I've been thinking about my current relationship status (single) & the past women I found myself involved with over the years. Just trying to make sense of how I feel about each individual while evaluating the things I could & couldn’t have done better in regard to the failed relationship.

I don't think we ever really move on from anyone we've ‘truly’ loved (the way I see it, if you’re actually able to do so, just means you probably didn't love 'em too much in the 1st place). But just because 2 people love 1 another doesn't necessarily mean they can be together & that's something that's taken time for me to learn.

Sometimes no matter how much you care for someone deep down inside, it just won't work & I guess that's the game of it all. At some point, you've gotta master the elusive art of knowing when to cross a bridge & when to just fuckin burn it. Then there’s the bridge that you can neither cross, nor burn.

Saturday evening I found myself face-to-face with my very own impassable/indestructible bridge. I had a wonderful time with the woman I've been in love with for more than 10 years & though I know she & I could never be the way we once were, she undoubtedly holds the key to my heart. Should she ever decide to be forreal about things again, I’m positive I'd melt in her hands.

It’s fascinating how she compels me to the point where I find myself absolutely refusing to let the fantasy die. Regardless of how she feels about me now, at 1 point, those magical stars were aligned & the passion pulsed through both of our veins – good times indeed.

But things change, even when the people, themselves, don't. So as much as I’d love the opportunity to make things right with her, holding onto the slightest of hopes that she’ll 1 day desire the same wouldn’t be the wisest decision. So my former feelings of hope are now closer to those of acceptance.

What do you do when you find yourself haunted by the memory of a previous romance? Sometimes I wish I could just hit the reset button and start fresh. But the baggage follows me from house to house & I can’t help but to feel I’m somehow handicapping myself.

Unfortunately, there's no such button - you get 1 chance to do things right. Even still, I’m proud of the man I’ve become & thankful for each & every woman who has helped shape a clearer vision of my ideal woman. God isn’t finished with me yet, but I’m definitely alot closer today than I was yesterday.

"So what I do is, I channel my aggression with no cable or antenna. Just intentions to impress you if capable..."

No comments:

Post a Comment